Recently in my own life I have faced some pretty tough stuff.  So much so that I cried out to Him recently and I believe He responded.

I saw myself in a small boat in a pretty big sea, buffeted by the waves and tussled by the wind.  No sails.  No outboard motor.  Not even oars.  Just me; sitting in the little dinghy.  Then the scene changed and I could see a lot more of the total picture.  I could see the shore, the beach, and even see the land as it dropped off underwater.  I could see the depths down below the little boat, now a very tiny speck bobbing atop a massive amount of water.  God spoke and asked me if I could see Him in the depths.  He said He was working deep in the depths and what He was moving, in time, would have a huge effect and completely change everything regarding the boat and the tiny man inside it.  As I saw this I was reminded of the earthquakes in the middle of the ocean that created the huge typhoons a while back.

What if God is moving?  What if He has a plan and a purpose deeper than what we can comprehend?

I made the mistake of going to Him and asking Him to completely change me.  Seems He is keeping His word.  And it seems as though He will be moving everything.  In His time.

Exponential mental, spiritual, and emotional growth.  Some incredibly big highs as well as all of the lowest lows.

Attitudes radically shifted.  Heart softened and vision cleared.

Addictions being broken.  Old habits being destroyed as new, much healthier habits, are being forged.

I have been captured by something much bigger than me and am now actually surrendering completely.

Not sure where it’s all going.  But each moment is worth it.

I have doubted. Rebelled. Fought.  Been angry.  Been hurt.

Stopped.  Listened. Waited.

Waited.

Waited.

And now.  The corner has been turned.

I have let go of some things and have crawled back into Daddy’s arms.  And once again.

I am content.  I have decided for today, just today, not to worry about tomorrow or what it may or may not bring.  I will not dwell on yesterday, neither the successes nor the failures.  All I have is today.  Which is all I really need.  I choose joy, peace, and contentment today.

Today will seize the beauty of each moment.  Enjoy to the best of my ability the people I encounter. And fully embrace

Today.

The pain has been deep.

The tears have been many.

But.

What if…

All of this is by design.  And what if there is a plan for me to be completely free.

Utterly, unabashedly free.

Free.

From everything that has ever held me back.

What if I am being drawn and shaped and propelled into something unlike anything I have ever been before?

But.  I do not want to.

I cannot stay where I am and there aren’t really any other options truthfully open to me other than turning this corner.  Staying where I am is a decision to descend into insanity.  But letting go of what I am holding, though what I am holding is toxic, is anathema to me.

I don’t want to let go.  Nor turn the corner.  Nor stay.  Nor hold on.

So.  It’s time to turn the corner.  So I will.  Let it be soon.  Let it be right.

For most of us, not fun.  And the cliches don’t help.

Typically we do not do well with each other when we encounter significant pain, especially in close friends.

I have a strong aversion to pain and abhor being grasped in its throes.

But I detest and loathe even deeper when, albeit kind, people attempt to “help”.

Usually they offer up pedantic frivolities that do little to assuage pain.  Certainly in church we do our best to shove people through their grief; often ramming scriptures, that should be considered sacred and holy and certainly given that respect, down the victim’s throat.

We would do well to examine pain.  Inside of ourselves.  And look deeply to see what we really need in those terrible moments when pain overwhelms.  And we also need to look at others around us and find better ways of helping people cope.

What if we actually learned how to really, really, help each other?